My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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