i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
