1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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