its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
