Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
