dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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