I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
