Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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