STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
