I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
