So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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