Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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