What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
