I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize