Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
