I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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