We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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