dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
