he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize