Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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