addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
