I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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