i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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