May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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