Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
