it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
