We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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