Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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