I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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