arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
