Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize