Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
