just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
