Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
