god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
