So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize