Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
