I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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