you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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