laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
