You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize