woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
