I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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