if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
