The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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