I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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