i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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