I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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