i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
