I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
