He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
