we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
