Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
