Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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