Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
