At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
