The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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