i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
