I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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