i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
