Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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