Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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