a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
