We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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