OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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