I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
