Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
