I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
