I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
